A Little Dinner and Dancing and Back to Reality!

I last mentioned my upcoming high school reunion. It took place this last weekend over three days and the two days I attended proved to be interesting affairs. I didn't mingle tons, as I was the same way 20 years ago, but I did connect with some great people and get to spend face time with them--a rare thing for me. I do have texting, and Facebook and phone calls with some, but face time around a table and with some music and drinks is not a thing that happens often for me. For that reason, it was a great time and I enjoyed it.

There were a few "best parts" but one of them was putting on the size Large reunion shirt to find it fit--nicely! What a thrill that was! :) Another favorite time was getting our groove on on the dance floor. Dancing with my husband is a rare treat, that has only happened three times in our marriage. IT WAS WELL WORTH all costs involved for that thrill. :) But just having a night without the kids was a biggie too! :)

Wouldn't you agree that these pictures say everything? THEY make the trip and money and time spent worth it all. The kids loved the pictures too.

I did miss a few very important people who I would have enjoyed having there, but you get what you get and your happy with it, right? This is what I got and I was very happy, all things considered.

What awaited me in the hotel room --when I was in no condition to read, much less read CRITICALLY--was ungraded work to get done by that night. :) I tried beforehand and failed to get caught up and that night I was able to do VERY little so I was late with my grades. I hate that, but it happens and since this is a once in 20 year event, I guess it was okay. I did get up the next morning and opted out of pool time with the family to get all squared away with my job. Having a job that follows you everywhere is a blessing--and a curse. :(

One not-so-small victory was that my eating (and drinking) wasn't COMPLETELY off plan AND I did my first hotel work out on this trip! The equipment sucked and some of it was broken, but I did hop on the stationary bike and do some intervals. Got gooood and sweaty too! I was glad I did it--after the fact--because it showed me that it could be done. I have never traveled and purposely hit the gym while on a leisure trip. I am hoping I can continue this on the next trip I take!

Aside from our weekend trip, there have been a few things rattling around in my head that I want to share, but it is late and the bed is calling. It has been for almost an hour and I've been ignoring it. With an upcoming trip to sin city (my first time), I am trying to chip away at things that may make traveling with work/school easier. It means some late nights for now, but I will be back with those topics hopefully before I leave!

On Being a Student Again and Returning to the Scene of the Crime

Today I started my coursework for Integrative Nutrition. It was fun to listen to the information, view the videos and complete some of the worksheets. It is starting with what you wish to gain from the program and what brought you there. It asks questions about where you see yourself in a week, in a month, in a year, in five years, in ten or twenty years. These are questions that I had never really contemplated before.

Thinking about the future like that, in regard to my career, my children, and other aspects of my life made me focus on what I want and hope to achieve out of life. A lot of it hinges on making something (new) of myself and finding happiness in the career I looking to enter.

I am a bit nervous, if I lay all the cards on the table here, because I have never been independently employed and I cannot imagine running a business. I sometimes doubt myself, but I am hoping that my passion for helping people find their way to a healthier lifestyle will trump any self-doubt I have. The idea of helping someone to lose weight, sleep better, go organic, navigate the grocery store in an effort to eat fewer processed foods, start to feet their kids more healthily, or improve his/her cholesterol, is something that makes me happy.

All in all, it is an exciting time to be ME. Things are so much in flux right now. I feel like maybe I am coming to this late, but I finally GET how important my body is and how I have mistreated it for so long. I really see the value in doing things that seemed ridiculous before. I also feel like I REALLY belong somewhere that I am not currently. I worked so hard to get to where I am, but I also feel like I have been walking in circles for a long time and just not happy. I feel professionally frustrated and plain tired. And I stand--here--on the verge of huge change!

Speaking of exciting changes, just today, a friend talked me into going to my 20 year high school reunion. Twenty years? Surely it hasn't been that long, right? It has. I am older than I want to be, but the alternative is no good! Growing old has its advantages. I was fairly antisocial in high school so I'm going for different reasons. I want to hang with my good buddy, but I also want to just see where I came from, to some degree. We are all very different people who came from slightly similar backgrounds and ended up in various places. I know some people are exactly where they want to be and others are like me, works-in-progress. :) Maybe it will be more fun than I anticipate. I have NO expectations, so I'm hoping to be happily surprised by a great time. Stranger things have happened, right?

It is 20 years since I went away to college to "find myself" (and many other things in the process). I think its a little funny that here I am, 20 years later, still doing the same thing! I'm pretty sure this time I got it, but who knows. Maybe in another 20 I will be reinventing myself again. Hey, if it works for Madonna, I guess I'm in good company!

T-minus.... nothing! :)

"The time has come" --Ricky Ricardo (That only means something to you, and maybe evoked a small grin, if you are a Lucy fan. If not, then I sound like a big dork.)

D-day is here. Today (Monday) is the first day of the rest of my life.

Okay, okay, I'm a bit dramatic--and cliche. Sorry. Everyday is the first day of the rest of my life, but TODAY marks a new beginning! Today is the day my IIN classes begin! :) I cannot believe this day is finally here. I spent part of the past week reading and preparing with the starter materials provided for me, and in that time, I got good and hyped for what is to come.

I have been reading posts by other students and getting to know a bit about the type of people who are there to study. We actually are so different in backgrounds and experiences, but beyond that are quite similar. We all seem to have the same desire to change our lives and the lives of those around us through health. We want to achieve happiness through healthy endeavors. The kinds of aspirations people have are so different as some come from health backgrounds and others, like me, come from all other walks of life. Some are educators like myself and some come from marketing or business backgrounds. Some are business owners and others are moms who have been out of the workplace for some time. There are people in their 60s and kids who are barely out of high school. It is proving to be an interesting bunch and I think that will help to create a very dynamic learning environment.

The most exciting thing for me has been the brief preview of topics to be covered in the next year. Some of the subjects seem as if they will help to make me a better person overall, improving my personal habits and teaching me so much about becoming a better, happier person. Some of it is science based nutrition and other stuff is based in holistic health. Some of it has to do with the business aspects of becoming a health coach and other subjects focus on creating a balance in your personal life. It is all quite valuable and some of it is very new to me.

The only big problem I foresee is figuring out how to survive the fall. School starts for the 7yo first, then me, then my 3yo will begin her program. The idea of juggling drop offs and pick ups and grading and teaching (at two institutions for multiple classes) AND doing the course work I am now signed on to complete is starting to worry me. Starting this trek toward my new career is non-negotiable, but the rest of it will be tricky. Some compromises will need to be made and hopefully they don't require me to just suck it up and never sleep again! :)

In the meantime, I am having a GREAT and healthy week. I feel awesome, like I am busting through some big barriers mentally because I am enjoying my gym visits more than ever and really starting to feel strong. I feel in synch with my body in a way I haven't felt in a long time (if ever). I hear it asking me to slow down or being tolerant of me pushing it and feel stronger for the efforts I have made at the gym. It has been great lately and this makes me feel happy and accomplished. When your body feels good and exercise is falling into place, it makes it so much easier to eat well. Something about one area going well that makes other things fall into place. Sadly, the opposite can be true too, so its dangerous when I stay away from the gym for too long or let my eating habits slip.

I have to say, though, the focus I have had lately on eating cleanly has made a big difference in my attitude and in what I'm willing to put into my mouth. I still want the things I have always had, but I'm less likely to reach for them now that I'm stricter about limiting sugar, limiting processed foods, limiting chemicals (like artificial sweeteners) and avoiding non-organic foods. I am SO FAR from being perfect but I make strides to be a cleaner eater and it seems to be helping.

I hope loose ends fall into place as the summer starts to wind down, but for now I plan to enjoy what is left and work hard to accomplish as much as I can during this "off" time. That means working out hard, doing well with my eating now that there are fewer distractions, and studying hard to learn and enjoy school as much as I can. I even have new plants waiting to go into the ground and the promise of a fall harvest of tomatoes in my backyard. What an exciting prospect that I hadn't previously known was possible.

I am still teaching and juggling things all summer long but it is the calm before the storm in many ways; it is the beginning of being a student again, so there is a lot to appreciate about this moment in time.

Sometimes the little things mean a lot

In the past week or so I have noticed a few things that have made me smile. Lately, its been small little things I have happened that have kept me in a great mood.

I have downsized in my clothing more than once since starting my weight loss efforts two years ago, but lately I am fitting into things that I just never imagined I COULD get into. Some clothes I hadn't dared to try on during the past few months, I finally put on only to find they are too big on me. I have missed chances to wear clothes I have had around because I was too scared to try them on! :)

And just a few days ago, I put on a shirt I bought a year ago, that was TOO form fitting to wear out at the time but now it fits. It doesn't only fit, it has ROOM in it and I can wear it without worrying about how I look in it.

That happy surprise led me to pull a few other items out of the closet. I had a shirt that was not plus-sized that my husband got me a year or two ago (in the wrong size). I had tried it on a few times since getting it and it was always too snug around my hips. I finally was able to put it on this weekend and have it fall nicely. It isn't tight at all.

This is all HUGE to me.

And the other day, while working out, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror for long enough to notice something. My favorite t-shirt is huge on me. I am swimming it in and I need a replacement. :) It was always a comfy fit because I got a 2x to accommodate my hips and FEEL okay about wearing it. I bought it to be comfy because I wanted it long and wide enough for me to feel at ease in it. And now I think I can go down MORE than one size.

So soon I will be looking for another alma mater tee to replace the one that is now too big on me. It will be so great to have that smaller shirt on when I continue my trips to the gym. It will start snug, as a large will be snug on these hips, but I look forward to watching it begin to fit more comfortably as time passes.

These little things are normal things that many may take for granted. I have wanted to NOT be stuck in plus sized clothes my whole life. My entire adult life, I have been in specialty stores. I still am for much of my wardrobe, but I finally do see that the days of that being the case are numbered. It has been a long time coming.

Putting on a shirt and having a little extra room in it is enough to make my week. It is a small thing, but in my world (and the world of anyone who is on a long weight loss journey), it is a very big deal. It does so much for my state of mind on this journey and keeps me motivated.

When I do see that my motivations does start to wane, I will look at the size of my clothes and remember where I started...and I will keep moving forward.

LOUD and PROUD: Gooooooooaaaaaaaaaaal!

No not the soccer kind of goal, but the personal kind! I hit a big one for me this week. It isn't an end goal, but a huge marker in time for me and for my nearly two year trek as a Weight watcher. While I follow the plan, I also have been making other changes to my life that make the journey a little more challenging. Giving up all processed and factory farm meats, and all but some seafood, eating mostly organic and eliminating a lot of processed foods and artificial sweeteners from my diet has been large parts of the new life I am living (or trying to live).

Slowly but surely, things are coming together and I am making noticeable changes in how I live and how my children live. I am on a quest to be healthier and I see it happening.

This week at my weigh in, I FINALLY hit a total of over 50 pounds down. There have been a lot of ups and downs, and sometimes I wanted to quit, but I never veered too far from program. I did fail to exercise for stretches of time and my eating took bad detours frequently, but I always came back and jumped back into step. It has been a hard and long road, and I am so glad that I have been through every step of it.

With the look back, I have seen that I am able to live this life for the long haul. I don't always move forward, but even when I go backwards, I don't backslide too far. I have learned that my body responds to what I feed it and how I treat it. I have also learned that patience is a large part of getting you to your destination successfully. It is easy to give up and hard to be patient. It is hard to have faith, even when you know the formula works and the difference will show soon. Even seeing the proof of your efforts, you STILL sometimes doubt how successful you will be.

Sometimes, you also want to indulge your self pity, or celebrate for too long, or take a "break" from things, and in these moments, my tendency to turn to food or put off exercise--or both--comes VERY easily. The hardest thing is always to stay on track.

For several weeks, I have anticipated this drop in weight and looked forward to seeing and celebrating the success, but it alluded me despite working out harder and doing so well with food. In those weeks, I wanted to take a break or find an excuse to give into my weaknesses more than a few times. This is all the more sweeter because I didn't do that, and I kept telling myself: THE FORMULA WORKS. STICK TO IT! DO NOT waste anymore time.

I listened this time, and that hasn't always been the case. That is why it has taken so long to lose 50lbs. I am hopeful that I will be ON PLAN more of the time in the next year and hopefully I can move more steadily and speedily toward my next weight loss goal. I am hoping that I am FIRMLY on the road to being successful and happy and living a healthier and better life.

Weight loss, or hitting ANY goal, is a big accomplishment made possible by many little things. Without any of those little things, the end result is not possible. So dragging my can to the gym on those days when I didn't want to, and skipping an indulgence here or there, or making myself go work in the yard on a less than comfortable day here in the Texas heat are all small things that add up to one big thing: Me being 50 pounds lighter. I haven't been this weight for about ten years.

I am proud and wanted to share that today. I found out on Tuesday and didn't get to celebrate at a meeting because I went during open hours and not during a meeting time. My normal meeting is on Wednesdays and this week, that was the 4th of July! :)

I am excited about keeping the scale moving DOWN and have already set another goal that I would like to meet in the next month or two. For me, goals keep me moving. Weighing in keeps me going. Seeing results keeps me going, but not seeing them also can be a motivator. I have to learn to use failures or disappointments to keep me motivated like I did in the past few weeks. Every SINGLE pound adds up...and 50 of them together make quite an impact! :)

Sugarfree-less and loving it

Eight days into my chemical-free efforts, I tripped up! I accidentally ordered a skinny vanilla latte without realizing that it is made with SUGAR substitute. :) Well, at least I am trying. Live and learn!

Next time I visit the green mermaid, I will be ordering a plain latte and adding stevia at home. :) I have taken well to using stevia and even went off and bought a plant of it at my local nursery (where I bought several types of basil earlier in spring that are growing splendidly).

While at the nursery, I also bought a pot of peppermint and spearmint and cannot wait to see how those do. I have enjoyed having fresh herbs more than I ever thought I could! Having fresh basil made me start looking for ways to integrate it into my cooking. It has been challenging and led me to try new things. That keeps our food interesting and keeps us open to change. That is not something ordinary in my household, so I welcome it!

I spent some of Sunday putting my basil into the ground because it has outgrown the container and seems very unhappy there. I first re-potted the main basil plant because it started to look so sad and was wilting. Once I moved it to a larger container it was rejuvenated! It has come back stronger and spread and grown so much in so little time. The others started looking sad too so I put them into the ground and hope they like that even better than larger containers.

Something about growing things yourself really makes you appreciate the food you eat, the miracle of a seed and of nature and the work that goes into the process (when done the old fashioned way). I can get why things were streamlined to make mass production/growing more possible, but I don't know why people were never satisfied and wanted to plant more in less space and inject the seeds so they would be resistant to everything. Man took something so perfect, and frankly, f*cked it up. What used to be a wonderful source of nutrition that helped us grow stronger and keep us healthy has slowly become the poison that is making us all fatter and sicker.

Some things shouldn't be messed with. A plant knows how to grow. It is programed to grow and fall off the tree or vine or bush or plant at the JUST the right time. It is programmed to turn beautiful colors that announce to us its perfect stage of ripeness. We can listen to that and partake of its yumminess or allow it to fall to the ground and feed the animals, or the ground itself. But to take it and try to improve upon it and not known when to stop has not made ANYTHING better or stronger except for profits of the few agribusinesses who are benefiting from our collective lack of knowledge or lack of interest in the process. Don't ask, don't tell, right?

Back to my chemical-free eight days: It was a good streak. I am right back on the wagon after that latte and have not regretted this worth-while endeavor. Previous to dropping the sweeteners, I had been having terrible back cramps (think charlie horse in your BACK), that started out of no where. I had no warning and they were happening VERY frequently. I had one a week then one a day, and some days they were coming and going quite often. They struck me in the middle of teaching, in the middle of sitting and typing, in the middle of mass, sitting at dinner, while washing dishes, and basically just at any time I was able to feel--even in my sleep. Needless to say they have been a huge and painful distraction for months.

For a week, I haven't had a single cramp. NOT ONE. Maybe it is a coincidence but maybe it is not. I have had two massages in the past 3 weeks as well and think that has contributed to things too. I have a third booked for later this week and I know those are helpful to me for a few reasons but did they cause the cramps to stop? Exercise, stretching, and muscle relaxers have all failed me. If this is working, I have no plans to go back to my pastel packets in my coffee or tea. I do miss my instant sugar-free beverages, especially my half and half drink that I blogged about last time, but living without those is a small price to pay for living without the constant fear of muscle cramps!