Taking a Breath

The past few weeks have been a new normal for me and I have taken a break from my normal gym routine to refocus. I have been trying to get caught up with school while trying to keep up with the kiddies and add some new things into my routine.

As previously mentioned, yoga has made its way into rotation and I have to say I am really fond of it thus far. I have gone three times in the past couple of weeks and although I was beat up pretty bad after the first class, I have been exposed to very different classes since that first outing two weeks ago. The first class was intense and focused on core. Needless to say, for a newbie, it was a bit much. While I was able to DO all the movements and exercises, I found that the aftermath was a very painful reality. For several days I hobbled around and did lots of follow-up stretching, trying to regain my normal range of motion. The second yoga class couldn't have been more different, focusing on de-stressing. It was very quiet and calm with simple movements and much more meditation. The last class I attended happened last night and was somewhere in the middle. It was hatha yoga, and focused more on flexibility, breathing, calming, and holding poses. It wasn't bad.

I am surprised by how much I enjoy yoga thus far. Although I had a hunch that it was something I needed and could benefit from, I wasn't sure if I would actually LIKE the classes. What I seem to like most is that it is a quiet space where my mind goes silent. Not often, do we stay in a space for any length of time with a relatively calm/still mind. This is hard to accomplish and most of our time is busied with activity, screen time, beeps and buzzes and typing and other "background noises" that are less in the background than we think. I for one, have a hard time falling asleep some nights because of a busied and anxious mind. I worry, I make lists, and I think through ideas and plans.

Yoga has been a great way to give my brain a mini-vacation, and I had no idea I would enjoy it as much as I have. I anticipated enjoying the physical nature of it all, and that part couldn't be more true. I enjoy the soreness and the stretching. I enjoy the difficulty level and that I feel challenged. I like that I'm adding something that doesn't come natural to me to my routine, because that gives me a chance to learn something new and teach this aging body some new tricks. The mind aspect of it all, however, is very different from any other exercise activity I have participated in and THAT has been a wonderful surprise.

What I am shocked by, however, is the fact that I have yet to get over my anxiety about going. I am not sure what the basis of that is but I am a little bit scared every time I go into that room. Being a creature of habit, I guess I am worried about doing things "wrong" or being uncomfortable with my own body among strangers or maybe it is just the fact that that first class was so difficult. I do feel comfortable there quite quickly after arriving, but that initial GETTING there and going in is still not coming easily. In time, I hope.

While I wait for that to happen, I am trying to take some of what I am learning in yoga into my every day life. I need to take time to breathe. I need to focus more on the moment and avoid getting so caught up in the babbling of my mind and anxiety that it causes me daily. I can get things that need to get done and those things that do not get done will be there tomorrow. I won't always get to do things how I want nor can I accomplish everything alone. Also, in order to accomplish something extra, something else may have to be dropped along the way.

Halloween was a good example this year. I made the girls' costumes for the first time this year, but we didn't carve a pumpkin. The kids didn't mention it and although that is my ALL TIME FAVORITE Halloween activity, it didn't happen this year. I was sad about it, but my time was spent preparing for visitors and sewing and embellishing costumes, in addition to my regular obligations. It was a very busy time and somewhat stressful, but it was still a good Halloween and I got a lot of enjoyment and satisfaction with creating the costumes the girls wore.

I also made a conscious effort to take time to keep the activity "fun" for me. I took time to plan a bit from step to step and took breaks and tried to keep it from being a chore. After all, I love to sew, even though I am still a novice and have to trouble shoot things I don't fully understand from time to time. Machine issues or figuring out how to make something look the way I want it to look without really knowing how to do it, can be a challenge when you have a limited knowledge of things! I got through it by being creative and taking time to walk away.

Taking a breath and refocusing seems to be something that has been missing from my life for a long time. I have become more and more aware of this in the past few months, which is why I ended up in the yoga classes. I had heard about benefits with yoga related to eliminating stress from the body and I knew I had a lot of pent up anxiety in me. I also knew that after exercising for two years, stretching and flexibility work was missing from my routine. I had wanted to start for a long time, but I was fearful of the change and the unknown.

I am taking and will continue to take baby steps that move me away from the fear and toward the embrace of change. Thank goodness for my new found understanding of my body's needs and small bursts of confidence that eek out more and more and help me tackle challenges.