Sometimes the little things mean a lot

In the past week or so I have noticed a few things that have made me smile. Lately, its been small little things I have happened that have kept me in a great mood.

I have downsized in my clothing more than once since starting my weight loss efforts two years ago, but lately I am fitting into things that I just never imagined I COULD get into. Some clothes I hadn't dared to try on during the past few months, I finally put on only to find they are too big on me. I have missed chances to wear clothes I have had around because I was too scared to try them on! :)

And just a few days ago, I put on a shirt I bought a year ago, that was TOO form fitting to wear out at the time but now it fits. It doesn't only fit, it has ROOM in it and I can wear it without worrying about how I look in it.

That happy surprise led me to pull a few other items out of the closet. I had a shirt that was not plus-sized that my husband got me a year or two ago (in the wrong size). I had tried it on a few times since getting it and it was always too snug around my hips. I finally was able to put it on this weekend and have it fall nicely. It isn't tight at all.

This is all HUGE to me.

And the other day, while working out, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror for long enough to notice something. My favorite t-shirt is huge on me. I am swimming it in and I need a replacement. :) It was always a comfy fit because I got a 2x to accommodate my hips and FEEL okay about wearing it. I bought it to be comfy because I wanted it long and wide enough for me to feel at ease in it. And now I think I can go down MORE than one size.

So soon I will be looking for another alma mater tee to replace the one that is now too big on me. It will be so great to have that smaller shirt on when I continue my trips to the gym. It will start snug, as a large will be snug on these hips, but I look forward to watching it begin to fit more comfortably as time passes.

These little things are normal things that many may take for granted. I have wanted to NOT be stuck in plus sized clothes my whole life. My entire adult life, I have been in specialty stores. I still am for much of my wardrobe, but I finally do see that the days of that being the case are numbered. It has been a long time coming.

Putting on a shirt and having a little extra room in it is enough to make my week. It is a small thing, but in my world (and the world of anyone who is on a long weight loss journey), it is a very big deal. It does so much for my state of mind on this journey and keeps me motivated.

When I do see that my motivations does start to wane, I will look at the size of my clothes and remember where I started...and I will keep moving forward.

LOUD and PROUD: Gooooooooaaaaaaaaaaal!

No not the soccer kind of goal, but the personal kind! I hit a big one for me this week. It isn't an end goal, but a huge marker in time for me and for my nearly two year trek as a Weight watcher. While I follow the plan, I also have been making other changes to my life that make the journey a little more challenging. Giving up all processed and factory farm meats, and all but some seafood, eating mostly organic and eliminating a lot of processed foods and artificial sweeteners from my diet has been large parts of the new life I am living (or trying to live).

Slowly but surely, things are coming together and I am making noticeable changes in how I live and how my children live. I am on a quest to be healthier and I see it happening.

This week at my weigh in, I FINALLY hit a total of over 50 pounds down. There have been a lot of ups and downs, and sometimes I wanted to quit, but I never veered too far from program. I did fail to exercise for stretches of time and my eating took bad detours frequently, but I always came back and jumped back into step. It has been a hard and long road, and I am so glad that I have been through every step of it.

With the look back, I have seen that I am able to live this life for the long haul. I don't always move forward, but even when I go backwards, I don't backslide too far. I have learned that my body responds to what I feed it and how I treat it. I have also learned that patience is a large part of getting you to your destination successfully. It is easy to give up and hard to be patient. It is hard to have faith, even when you know the formula works and the difference will show soon. Even seeing the proof of your efforts, you STILL sometimes doubt how successful you will be.

Sometimes, you also want to indulge your self pity, or celebrate for too long, or take a "break" from things, and in these moments, my tendency to turn to food or put off exercise--or both--comes VERY easily. The hardest thing is always to stay on track.

For several weeks, I have anticipated this drop in weight and looked forward to seeing and celebrating the success, but it alluded me despite working out harder and doing so well with food. In those weeks, I wanted to take a break or find an excuse to give into my weaknesses more than a few times. This is all the more sweeter because I didn't do that, and I kept telling myself: THE FORMULA WORKS. STICK TO IT! DO NOT waste anymore time.

I listened this time, and that hasn't always been the case. That is why it has taken so long to lose 50lbs. I am hopeful that I will be ON PLAN more of the time in the next year and hopefully I can move more steadily and speedily toward my next weight loss goal. I am hoping that I am FIRMLY on the road to being successful and happy and living a healthier and better life.

Weight loss, or hitting ANY goal, is a big accomplishment made possible by many little things. Without any of those little things, the end result is not possible. So dragging my can to the gym on those days when I didn't want to, and skipping an indulgence here or there, or making myself go work in the yard on a less than comfortable day here in the Texas heat are all small things that add up to one big thing: Me being 50 pounds lighter. I haven't been this weight for about ten years.

I am proud and wanted to share that today. I found out on Tuesday and didn't get to celebrate at a meeting because I went during open hours and not during a meeting time. My normal meeting is on Wednesdays and this week, that was the 4th of July! :)

I am excited about keeping the scale moving DOWN and have already set another goal that I would like to meet in the next month or two. For me, goals keep me moving. Weighing in keeps me going. Seeing results keeps me going, but not seeing them also can be a motivator. I have to learn to use failures or disappointments to keep me motivated like I did in the past few weeks. Every SINGLE pound adds up...and 50 of them together make quite an impact! :)

Sugarfree-less and loving it

Eight days into my chemical-free efforts, I tripped up! I accidentally ordered a skinny vanilla latte without realizing that it is made with SUGAR substitute. :) Well, at least I am trying. Live and learn!

Next time I visit the green mermaid, I will be ordering a plain latte and adding stevia at home. :) I have taken well to using stevia and even went off and bought a plant of it at my local nursery (where I bought several types of basil earlier in spring that are growing splendidly).

While at the nursery, I also bought a pot of peppermint and spearmint and cannot wait to see how those do. I have enjoyed having fresh herbs more than I ever thought I could! Having fresh basil made me start looking for ways to integrate it into my cooking. It has been challenging and led me to try new things. That keeps our food interesting and keeps us open to change. That is not something ordinary in my household, so I welcome it!

I spent some of Sunday putting my basil into the ground because it has outgrown the container and seems very unhappy there. I first re-potted the main basil plant because it started to look so sad and was wilting. Once I moved it to a larger container it was rejuvenated! It has come back stronger and spread and grown so much in so little time. The others started looking sad too so I put them into the ground and hope they like that even better than larger containers.

Something about growing things yourself really makes you appreciate the food you eat, the miracle of a seed and of nature and the work that goes into the process (when done the old fashioned way). I can get why things were streamlined to make mass production/growing more possible, but I don't know why people were never satisfied and wanted to plant more in less space and inject the seeds so they would be resistant to everything. Man took something so perfect, and frankly, f*cked it up. What used to be a wonderful source of nutrition that helped us grow stronger and keep us healthy has slowly become the poison that is making us all fatter and sicker.

Some things shouldn't be messed with. A plant knows how to grow. It is programed to grow and fall off the tree or vine or bush or plant at the JUST the right time. It is programmed to turn beautiful colors that announce to us its perfect stage of ripeness. We can listen to that and partake of its yumminess or allow it to fall to the ground and feed the animals, or the ground itself. But to take it and try to improve upon it and not known when to stop has not made ANYTHING better or stronger except for profits of the few agribusinesses who are benefiting from our collective lack of knowledge or lack of interest in the process. Don't ask, don't tell, right?

Back to my chemical-free eight days: It was a good streak. I am right back on the wagon after that latte and have not regretted this worth-while endeavor. Previous to dropping the sweeteners, I had been having terrible back cramps (think charlie horse in your BACK), that started out of no where. I had no warning and they were happening VERY frequently. I had one a week then one a day, and some days they were coming and going quite often. They struck me in the middle of teaching, in the middle of sitting and typing, in the middle of mass, sitting at dinner, while washing dishes, and basically just at any time I was able to feel--even in my sleep. Needless to say they have been a huge and painful distraction for months.

For a week, I haven't had a single cramp. NOT ONE. Maybe it is a coincidence but maybe it is not. I have had two massages in the past 3 weeks as well and think that has contributed to things too. I have a third booked for later this week and I know those are helpful to me for a few reasons but did they cause the cramps to stop? Exercise, stretching, and muscle relaxers have all failed me. If this is working, I have no plans to go back to my pastel packets in my coffee or tea. I do miss my instant sugar-free beverages, especially my half and half drink that I blogged about last time, but living without those is a small price to pay for living without the constant fear of muscle cramps!

Facing the not so sweet truth

For months, I have had a lingering guilt about some of the things that go into my mouth. More specifically, my daily habit of drinking sugar free beverages has had me worried.

Crystal Light, and other similar drinks, have been a very happy addition to my life as I continue my attempts to shrink myself. These are sweet and satisfying and make water so easy to drink in large quantities. Sometimes when I want something sweet, I can satisfy that urge with a yummy passion-fruit drink or with my all time favorite half tea/half lemonade Wyler's drink. MMmmmmm.

But as I have learned more and made attempts to eat healthier over the past two years, my guilt about these drinks has deepened. I know they aren't healthy. I see in the list of ingredients all the chemicals that I cannot pronounce. The list is long and those weird unpronounceable ingredients cannot be doing my body any good.

I have tried in so many areas of my life to curb the unnatural. We buy almost all organic fruits and vegetables and the processed foods we do buy have less or no soy or corn additives. This is HARD to do sometimes as the kids have what they like and I have what I like and this country doesn't produce many foods on our grocery shelves that DO NOT have these ingredients! When possible, those processed foods are also organic. While this endeavor is expensive, my hope is that it saves us money on health care in the long run (especially for my girls).

The natural alternatives to artificial sweeteners, like the Splenda I love in my coffee include honey, stevia, coconut palm sugar, and a few others. These are expensive and don't all work well in coffee or tea, two of my favorite "sweet" drinks.

So why have I been so unwilling to shake this beverage habit? Honestly, I have been scared. I enjoy my routine and it is part of my routine. I am a creature of habit and wen something works, it is hard to "fix" it. I know myself and know I have a terrible sweet tooth. These drinks have tempered it and kept me satisfied. My weight loss has been so great and I am scared of going backwards. That is a very real fear in my mind since it has been such a long and slow road to where I find myself now.

Regardless, I have committed to myself just a few days ago to STOP, cold turkey. I knew if I tapered it off, I was KNOWINGLY continuing to poison myself. After I hopped on Facebook and read this article, I knew that I really had to stop ignoring this bad habit and bite the bullet!

I committed--that day--to NOT drink anymore artificially sweetened drinks. This meant no more Wyler's, Crystal Light, Zero brand colas (like Coke Zero, my absolute favorite soda), and no more Splenda in my tea and coffee. That last one is a toughie since artificial sweeteners are found anywhere you buy coffee and natural alternatives are not.

So far so good. It has only been four days, but it has been a challenging time. I bought some tea infused with Stevia and some plain tea to brew and have on hand at home, a habit I abandoned years ago that I need to get back to. I have been making homemade lemonade for the girls with honey as a sweetner, but that won't do for me as the calories are too high. I can sweeten my drinks with the Stevia I bought and tried. It has a little aftertaste that I am getting used to, but it does sweeten quite well. I have been having it in my coffee and drinking the tea with nothing added thus far. I have been drinking more plain water, but will be changing that as soon as I go buy another pitcher.

Two days ago I went for a much needed massage and was given a glass of water to drink. It was SO GOOD. I asked what was in it, and was told it was infused with lemon and orange. It was SO delicious and sweet! I guess it depends on the fruit you use, but I am going to start to make spa water for myself at home. I need to buy another pitcher for this and will be trying the lemon/orange combo myself since that is the best fruit infused water I have ever tried! I am not a fan of watermelon and never really appreciated cucumber or herb infused water. This citrus was delicious, however, and I am looking forward to having it on hand.

So the moral of the story is that change can be hard but we don't know what we are capable of until we try. We all know this, but taking the first step can be hard and intimidating. Making all the right changes at once is too hard and sometimes sets us up for failure, but taking baby steps makes it slightly more doable. We can improve ourselves at any age, with a little bit of effort, and some improvising and good old fashioned problem solving. You find alternatives and find new ways to treat yourself.

For me, this sweetener piece of the puzzle was one that I ignored and tried to avoid for a long time. I have been putting so many other healthy habits into my daily routine and mastering them one at a time, so this change was just the next in a long list of changes I have been making. Had I tried to start exercising, cut back on portions, avoid sweets AND artificial sweeteners, avoid processed foods, become a vegetarian (mostly), and switch to organics (while bringing my kids along for this ride at the same time), it very well may have proved to be too much at once.

The changes have been gradual and many of them are second nature now. I cannot imagine life without these changes in place and know that I am better for them. There are more yet to make, but if I keep putting one foot in front of the other, and not punishing myself for moments of weakness, it is just a matter of time before I am happier and healthier for it!

Beginning a new chapter...and options

I haven't taken the time to discuss a recent decision that I have made that will mean a new chapter in my life, but today is the day!

Starting on the 16th of July, I will be starting a year long certificate program through The Institute of Integrative Nutrition (INN). I couldn't be more excited about what the future may hold for me.

The most exciting part is that my journey will continue. For about two years I have been on a quest for knowledge regarding health and wellness. I have been trying to better myself and be a better mother to my children and wife to my husband. Learning on your own can be lonely, slow going, and frustrating. I look forward to becoming a part of a learning community that will speed up the process of acquiring knowledge for me.

This is a big turn for me in many ways since I have been teaching college courses for about 15 years now. TIME FLIES! I love teaching and I do think I will do that forever, but what I teach I think will change or become less limited. How did this change of course happen? FAST!

I have been feeling off for some time now. For over a year that I can recall, I have been feeling tired and unhappy to some degree. I have been noticing differences in the students I teach and enjoying my work less and less. I am good at what I do and I do have highlights and good days, but they are less frequent than they used to be. I have been wondering where life would take me, and open to change, but very unsure of which way I would end up being pulled.

I have read books and watched documentaries over the past two years during my search for more knowledge regarding health and have felt passionate about what I am learning. I have tried to become healthier and more active and feel good about what I am trying to live and learn. I knew this was something I cared about but knew I probably would never want to be a personal trainer. I often thought, "Someone needs to teach classes on this stuff!" There was so much to learn but it is all spread around from many sources and sifting through it all takes a lot of time and dedication. I also have felt someone needs to bring all this information to young people who can benefit from it the most.

Then there was an unexpected development.

A few weeks ago, after watching an installment of HBO's Weight of a Nation (on demand), I noticed the various people speaking who are playing a role in trying to make changes in our communities. I wondered what I could do to help and to teach people. I thought about how much I care about these issues and how much I want to contribute to finding solutions to the problems we are facing with America's declining health.


The next morning, I googled "health coach" and to my surprise, there were a number of results! I started a two-day research-a-thon, learning more about what this title meant and reading about what they do and where people were trained. I read about what was studied and looked at programs. I found there were nutritionists, holistic health practitioners and many others who were contributing to helping people to learn more about treating themselves well. There were people dedicating their lives to helping people help themselves. They helped them overcome illness, fight disease, lose weight, improve their quality of life, reverse diagnoses, and helped them feel better.

People who studied in these areas went into many different fields, actually. Some continued their educations and some did go on to be health coaches. I went to websites to see what people are doing now. Some are food company owners, authors, teachers, or in other areas where they are spreading "the word" (of health and wellness). The options seem to be many. Then were were some people who just learned for the love of knowledge and to better themselves.

I don't know which of these paths I will eventually follow, but my guess is that my love of teaching will somehow be paired with this new found passion for health. I will find a way to teach what I am learning and living. I think it is a natural fit with the journey I have been on with Weight Watchers, too. I have learned a lot and want to share so much with others. I am hopeful that my path will become apparent in the next year while I am learning at INN.

So in a couple of weeks I start again as a student. It will be interesting, juggling the kiddos out for summer, my teaching, and finding time to read and do what I need to for classes, but it will be worthwhile. With any luck, this all ends with me in a new career, happy and successful. That is the best case scenario. The worst case scenario would be that I learn a whole lot more and am enriched and able to serve my family better with what I learn.

How's that for a win-win? :)

Life slows down...for now!

Wow.

It has been a crazy busy few weeks! Thank goodness it has all come to an end. :) I took a short term position that ended last week and this weekend we had a little get-away trip and Father's Day, so we were VERY busy. Let's catch up quickly.

The temporary job was teaching kids 14 to 17 years old to prepare them for an exam in writing/sentence skills. That took it OUT of me. Each day I came home to so much grading because I was meeting with four classes each day. That is more grading that I am used to doing since I am used to fewer classes that are longer. These classes were shorter, but between 20 and 25 students a piece. My wrists paid for all the grading by hand AND email messages I had to send out nightly. That left little time (or ability) to blog. :)

Then this weekend we had a short (one night) get away to Lakeway Resort and Spa. What a fun time! Family and fun and LOTS of pool time. The kids had so much fun and Josh and I are a little bit burned, but all in all, it was well worth it. We slathered the girls in sun screen so they are good but both got such pretty tans. They tan gorgeously!

It was a big weekend for Elena as she learned to hold her breath under water and she went down the big water slide. LOVED seeing her so adventurous. I am glad because now I know she's ready for swim lessons. We are going to put them both in lessons in July.

This weekend also got me stoked about our upcoming Vegas trip. Josh has been once before but I have never been and the girls haven't either. I'm doing some online research now to find a hotel.



During the past two weeks, eating on plan and fitting in exercise has been extremely challenging, but I think I did pretty well. I didn't do as well as I would have liked to have done, but well enough to lose some more weight and to bring me VERY close to a goal. I am hoping in the next week or so I will break through this huge barrier. Serious, big, and important goal. I am excited that I am THIS close. Once I do meet that goal, I will be shouting it from the mountaintops (virtual ones, of course)!

NOTE: It isn't an end point, but a destination I have wanted to visit for a LONG time. :)

This week I want to get into a better schedule, hitting the gym a little more regularly and focusing more on resistance training. I have started to work that into my routine, but not regularly yet. I hope to change that.

The weekend, work, weights, and a bum knee

This was memorial day weekend and it was a busy one. We had a lot to get done and the weekend seemed to fly by! It was a bit of a blur, but there was working and playing, so it ended up being productive and fun.

Because my husband did not have Monday off, we grilled yesterday afternoon/evening. What a feast it was!

He grilled a little salmon and some shrimp (to the left of the plate and some are hidden under onions there) but mostly it was zucchini and mushrooms. It was a great meal. I made some farmer's market broccoli to go with it too. It was tremendously filling and we had leftovers to eat again today!

Aside from that, the past few days have been a mixed bag. We did a little shopping and got some clothes to start the girls off for the summer. We also hit a birthday party for a good friend of my daughter's and the cake was too cute not to share!

It was complete with white chocolate wings and a fire breathing mouth (not really, but it looked like it). The kids loved it and it was delicious to boot!

I also did a lot of work related stuff. There was the usual Saturday grading and reading and answering emails. I just wrapped up a class and don't have another set starting for a week (online) but I also found out that I will be very busy over the next two weeks. I got an email asking about my interest in an accelerated class being taught to high-schoolers looking to do some dual credit. I responded, even though I wasn't sure what to expect, and to my surprise, I got the job!

I am excited at the prospect of unexpected money finding its way to us, since summers are always tight and we have a trip coming up in July, but I'm also a little worried about teaching kids so young! I am used to my adult students, so this will be a big change! I have taught 18yos in the past, but my usual student is well into his 20s with some having ten or twenty years on me. It is a mixed bag, but very different from these students who I will be getting who are as young as 14! That is big difference!

Like it or not, it will be intense and fast moving with four classes a day, back to back, starting at 8 in the morning. I do this for 2 weeks and then they are supposed to be ready to take the college placement exam required by the local junior college where I teach. I am hopeful that they do well! No pressure! I cannot imagine being 14 years old and trying to cram enough into my brain in that short of a period of time in order to pass a test. It has to be a lot to take in! I am excited about what it could do for me, however. This past semester was not the best one as far as student performance, so maybe these kids will end things off on a higher note before the summer kicks into gear. It would be great to leave having learned a lot and possibly even inspired! The good news is that unlike many part time instructors, I don't have full time employment, so if it all goes well, I could get this as a recurring gig. We shall see how it goes!

And one of the other fun things that happened this weekend was a trip to the farmer's market AND a trip to the gym. We haven't done BOTH those things (together) in a while and it was so nice to get to! Whenever my husband and I work out together, it is fun and productive. I am SO sore right now, because he challenges me on the weight training, which I have been slacking on. It was nice to get a little push in that direction. I asked him to help with that after Michelle suggested that I explore resistance training more. I have been meaning to, but for me, it is so much easier to NOT do that.

I wasn't sure why this was until I thought about it for a minute and realized: I hate resistance training ALONE. With the cardio, you are in a class or you are meant to be solitary, plugged into the TV or the music and in the zone. On the nautilus equipment you are NOT supposed to be fumbling around like I usually am --or worse--watching yourself with the free weights. I ALWAYS feel out of my element doing this part of a work out. Even when I had a personal trainer, and did more in that regard than I ever have before, it was not where I was most comfortable and was always like pulling teeth. Strangely, I enjoy the feeling of strength and power that it can give you, but the process is always somewhat of an obstacle for me!

This, like other challenges I have faced, will likely be something of the past in time. I remember a time when going to the gym was a colossal effort. Talking myself into not being embarrassed or feeling out of place too FOREVER. I would often never make it to the gym, coming up with every excuse in the book. NOW, I don't feel like I don't belong there. I may feel like I don't want to be there some days, but I don't feel "out of place" in the facility. I may not wonder to certain areas or into certain classes, for fear of that ugly feeling creeping over me again, but I at least can get into the building without the urge to high tail it out of there! :) That is progress, right? PLUS, I even ENJOY some work outs nowadays! That is the real measure that things are moving in the right direction.

In related news, today was day three on my new favorite machine at the gym, the AMT by Precor, and I dare say things are going well between us! Thursday was my first day on it, and I blogged about it. Then Friday, I returned with great excitement, to find that I *did* have to cut things short of my goal that day because my knee wasn't very happy toward the end of my work out. Saturday I decided against even saying "hello" and opted to warm up on an inclined treadmill before our strength training work out. And then came today, Monday, when I decided I wanted to visit with my new friend again. Things went well at first and we were having a blast there for a bit, when my knee made its opinion of recent events known right near the end of my 30 minute visit with AMT. I heard him loud and clear and bid AMT adieu. I got a great work out in, however, and am grateful for that. My guess is that between my hiatus and my previous work outs, my knee is just out of sorts.

It is only one knee, however, and I am treating him well in order to hopefully prevent the issues I have had in the past. As a matter of fact, Mr. Fussypants is being iced right now as I type this. :) If I treat him nice, I'm hopeful he will return the favor.