Facing the not so sweet truth

For months, I have had a lingering guilt about some of the things that go into my mouth. More specifically, my daily habit of drinking sugar free beverages has had me worried.

Crystal Light, and other similar drinks, have been a very happy addition to my life as I continue my attempts to shrink myself. These are sweet and satisfying and make water so easy to drink in large quantities. Sometimes when I want something sweet, I can satisfy that urge with a yummy passion-fruit drink or with my all time favorite half tea/half lemonade Wyler's drink. MMmmmmm.

But as I have learned more and made attempts to eat healthier over the past two years, my guilt about these drinks has deepened. I know they aren't healthy. I see in the list of ingredients all the chemicals that I cannot pronounce. The list is long and those weird unpronounceable ingredients cannot be doing my body any good.

I have tried in so many areas of my life to curb the unnatural. We buy almost all organic fruits and vegetables and the processed foods we do buy have less or no soy or corn additives. This is HARD to do sometimes as the kids have what they like and I have what I like and this country doesn't produce many foods on our grocery shelves that DO NOT have these ingredients! When possible, those processed foods are also organic. While this endeavor is expensive, my hope is that it saves us money on health care in the long run (especially for my girls).

The natural alternatives to artificial sweeteners, like the Splenda I love in my coffee include honey, stevia, coconut palm sugar, and a few others. These are expensive and don't all work well in coffee or tea, two of my favorite "sweet" drinks.

So why have I been so unwilling to shake this beverage habit? Honestly, I have been scared. I enjoy my routine and it is part of my routine. I am a creature of habit and wen something works, it is hard to "fix" it. I know myself and know I have a terrible sweet tooth. These drinks have tempered it and kept me satisfied. My weight loss has been so great and I am scared of going backwards. That is a very real fear in my mind since it has been such a long and slow road to where I find myself now.

Regardless, I have committed to myself just a few days ago to STOP, cold turkey. I knew if I tapered it off, I was KNOWINGLY continuing to poison myself. After I hopped on Facebook and read this article, I knew that I really had to stop ignoring this bad habit and bite the bullet!

I committed--that day--to NOT drink anymore artificially sweetened drinks. This meant no more Wyler's, Crystal Light, Zero brand colas (like Coke Zero, my absolute favorite soda), and no more Splenda in my tea and coffee. That last one is a toughie since artificial sweeteners are found anywhere you buy coffee and natural alternatives are not.

So far so good. It has only been four days, but it has been a challenging time. I bought some tea infused with Stevia and some plain tea to brew and have on hand at home, a habit I abandoned years ago that I need to get back to. I have been making homemade lemonade for the girls with honey as a sweetner, but that won't do for me as the calories are too high. I can sweeten my drinks with the Stevia I bought and tried. It has a little aftertaste that I am getting used to, but it does sweeten quite well. I have been having it in my coffee and drinking the tea with nothing added thus far. I have been drinking more plain water, but will be changing that as soon as I go buy another pitcher.

Two days ago I went for a much needed massage and was given a glass of water to drink. It was SO GOOD. I asked what was in it, and was told it was infused with lemon and orange. It was SO delicious and sweet! I guess it depends on the fruit you use, but I am going to start to make spa water for myself at home. I need to buy another pitcher for this and will be trying the lemon/orange combo myself since that is the best fruit infused water I have ever tried! I am not a fan of watermelon and never really appreciated cucumber or herb infused water. This citrus was delicious, however, and I am looking forward to having it on hand.

So the moral of the story is that change can be hard but we don't know what we are capable of until we try. We all know this, but taking the first step can be hard and intimidating. Making all the right changes at once is too hard and sometimes sets us up for failure, but taking baby steps makes it slightly more doable. We can improve ourselves at any age, with a little bit of effort, and some improvising and good old fashioned problem solving. You find alternatives and find new ways to treat yourself.

For me, this sweetener piece of the puzzle was one that I ignored and tried to avoid for a long time. I have been putting so many other healthy habits into my daily routine and mastering them one at a time, so this change was just the next in a long list of changes I have been making. Had I tried to start exercising, cut back on portions, avoid sweets AND artificial sweeteners, avoid processed foods, become a vegetarian (mostly), and switch to organics (while bringing my kids along for this ride at the same time), it very well may have proved to be too much at once.

The changes have been gradual and many of them are second nature now. I cannot imagine life without these changes in place and know that I am better for them. There are more yet to make, but if I keep putting one foot in front of the other, and not punishing myself for moments of weakness, it is just a matter of time before I am happier and healthier for it!

Beginning a new chapter...and options

I haven't taken the time to discuss a recent decision that I have made that will mean a new chapter in my life, but today is the day!

Starting on the 16th of July, I will be starting a year long certificate program through The Institute of Integrative Nutrition (INN). I couldn't be more excited about what the future may hold for me.

The most exciting part is that my journey will continue. For about two years I have been on a quest for knowledge regarding health and wellness. I have been trying to better myself and be a better mother to my children and wife to my husband. Learning on your own can be lonely, slow going, and frustrating. I look forward to becoming a part of a learning community that will speed up the process of acquiring knowledge for me.

This is a big turn for me in many ways since I have been teaching college courses for about 15 years now. TIME FLIES! I love teaching and I do think I will do that forever, but what I teach I think will change or become less limited. How did this change of course happen? FAST!

I have been feeling off for some time now. For over a year that I can recall, I have been feeling tired and unhappy to some degree. I have been noticing differences in the students I teach and enjoying my work less and less. I am good at what I do and I do have highlights and good days, but they are less frequent than they used to be. I have been wondering where life would take me, and open to change, but very unsure of which way I would end up being pulled.

I have read books and watched documentaries over the past two years during my search for more knowledge regarding health and have felt passionate about what I am learning. I have tried to become healthier and more active and feel good about what I am trying to live and learn. I knew this was something I cared about but knew I probably would never want to be a personal trainer. I often thought, "Someone needs to teach classes on this stuff!" There was so much to learn but it is all spread around from many sources and sifting through it all takes a lot of time and dedication. I also have felt someone needs to bring all this information to young people who can benefit from it the most.

Then there was an unexpected development.

A few weeks ago, after watching an installment of HBO's Weight of a Nation (on demand), I noticed the various people speaking who are playing a role in trying to make changes in our communities. I wondered what I could do to help and to teach people. I thought about how much I care about these issues and how much I want to contribute to finding solutions to the problems we are facing with America's declining health.


The next morning, I googled "health coach" and to my surprise, there were a number of results! I started a two-day research-a-thon, learning more about what this title meant and reading about what they do and where people were trained. I read about what was studied and looked at programs. I found there were nutritionists, holistic health practitioners and many others who were contributing to helping people to learn more about treating themselves well. There were people dedicating their lives to helping people help themselves. They helped them overcome illness, fight disease, lose weight, improve their quality of life, reverse diagnoses, and helped them feel better.

People who studied in these areas went into many different fields, actually. Some continued their educations and some did go on to be health coaches. I went to websites to see what people are doing now. Some are food company owners, authors, teachers, or in other areas where they are spreading "the word" (of health and wellness). The options seem to be many. Then were were some people who just learned for the love of knowledge and to better themselves.

I don't know which of these paths I will eventually follow, but my guess is that my love of teaching will somehow be paired with this new found passion for health. I will find a way to teach what I am learning and living. I think it is a natural fit with the journey I have been on with Weight Watchers, too. I have learned a lot and want to share so much with others. I am hopeful that my path will become apparent in the next year while I am learning at INN.

So in a couple of weeks I start again as a student. It will be interesting, juggling the kiddos out for summer, my teaching, and finding time to read and do what I need to for classes, but it will be worthwhile. With any luck, this all ends with me in a new career, happy and successful. That is the best case scenario. The worst case scenario would be that I learn a whole lot more and am enriched and able to serve my family better with what I learn.

How's that for a win-win? :)

Life slows down...for now!

Wow.

It has been a crazy busy few weeks! Thank goodness it has all come to an end. :) I took a short term position that ended last week and this weekend we had a little get-away trip and Father's Day, so we were VERY busy. Let's catch up quickly.

The temporary job was teaching kids 14 to 17 years old to prepare them for an exam in writing/sentence skills. That took it OUT of me. Each day I came home to so much grading because I was meeting with four classes each day. That is more grading that I am used to doing since I am used to fewer classes that are longer. These classes were shorter, but between 20 and 25 students a piece. My wrists paid for all the grading by hand AND email messages I had to send out nightly. That left little time (or ability) to blog. :)

Then this weekend we had a short (one night) get away to Lakeway Resort and Spa. What a fun time! Family and fun and LOTS of pool time. The kids had so much fun and Josh and I are a little bit burned, but all in all, it was well worth it. We slathered the girls in sun screen so they are good but both got such pretty tans. They tan gorgeously!

It was a big weekend for Elena as she learned to hold her breath under water and she went down the big water slide. LOVED seeing her so adventurous. I am glad because now I know she's ready for swim lessons. We are going to put them both in lessons in July.

This weekend also got me stoked about our upcoming Vegas trip. Josh has been once before but I have never been and the girls haven't either. I'm doing some online research now to find a hotel.



During the past two weeks, eating on plan and fitting in exercise has been extremely challenging, but I think I did pretty well. I didn't do as well as I would have liked to have done, but well enough to lose some more weight and to bring me VERY close to a goal. I am hoping in the next week or so I will break through this huge barrier. Serious, big, and important goal. I am excited that I am THIS close. Once I do meet that goal, I will be shouting it from the mountaintops (virtual ones, of course)!

NOTE: It isn't an end point, but a destination I have wanted to visit for a LONG time. :)

This week I want to get into a better schedule, hitting the gym a little more regularly and focusing more on resistance training. I have started to work that into my routine, but not regularly yet. I hope to change that.

The weekend, work, weights, and a bum knee

This was memorial day weekend and it was a busy one. We had a lot to get done and the weekend seemed to fly by! It was a bit of a blur, but there was working and playing, so it ended up being productive and fun.

Because my husband did not have Monday off, we grilled yesterday afternoon/evening. What a feast it was!

He grilled a little salmon and some shrimp (to the left of the plate and some are hidden under onions there) but mostly it was zucchini and mushrooms. It was a great meal. I made some farmer's market broccoli to go with it too. It was tremendously filling and we had leftovers to eat again today!

Aside from that, the past few days have been a mixed bag. We did a little shopping and got some clothes to start the girls off for the summer. We also hit a birthday party for a good friend of my daughter's and the cake was too cute not to share!

It was complete with white chocolate wings and a fire breathing mouth (not really, but it looked like it). The kids loved it and it was delicious to boot!

I also did a lot of work related stuff. There was the usual Saturday grading and reading and answering emails. I just wrapped up a class and don't have another set starting for a week (online) but I also found out that I will be very busy over the next two weeks. I got an email asking about my interest in an accelerated class being taught to high-schoolers looking to do some dual credit. I responded, even though I wasn't sure what to expect, and to my surprise, I got the job!

I am excited at the prospect of unexpected money finding its way to us, since summers are always tight and we have a trip coming up in July, but I'm also a little worried about teaching kids so young! I am used to my adult students, so this will be a big change! I have taught 18yos in the past, but my usual student is well into his 20s with some having ten or twenty years on me. It is a mixed bag, but very different from these students who I will be getting who are as young as 14! That is big difference!

Like it or not, it will be intense and fast moving with four classes a day, back to back, starting at 8 in the morning. I do this for 2 weeks and then they are supposed to be ready to take the college placement exam required by the local junior college where I teach. I am hopeful that they do well! No pressure! I cannot imagine being 14 years old and trying to cram enough into my brain in that short of a period of time in order to pass a test. It has to be a lot to take in! I am excited about what it could do for me, however. This past semester was not the best one as far as student performance, so maybe these kids will end things off on a higher note before the summer kicks into gear. It would be great to leave having learned a lot and possibly even inspired! The good news is that unlike many part time instructors, I don't have full time employment, so if it all goes well, I could get this as a recurring gig. We shall see how it goes!

And one of the other fun things that happened this weekend was a trip to the farmer's market AND a trip to the gym. We haven't done BOTH those things (together) in a while and it was so nice to get to! Whenever my husband and I work out together, it is fun and productive. I am SO sore right now, because he challenges me on the weight training, which I have been slacking on. It was nice to get a little push in that direction. I asked him to help with that after Michelle suggested that I explore resistance training more. I have been meaning to, but for me, it is so much easier to NOT do that.

I wasn't sure why this was until I thought about it for a minute and realized: I hate resistance training ALONE. With the cardio, you are in a class or you are meant to be solitary, plugged into the TV or the music and in the zone. On the nautilus equipment you are NOT supposed to be fumbling around like I usually am --or worse--watching yourself with the free weights. I ALWAYS feel out of my element doing this part of a work out. Even when I had a personal trainer, and did more in that regard than I ever have before, it was not where I was most comfortable and was always like pulling teeth. Strangely, I enjoy the feeling of strength and power that it can give you, but the process is always somewhat of an obstacle for me!

This, like other challenges I have faced, will likely be something of the past in time. I remember a time when going to the gym was a colossal effort. Talking myself into not being embarrassed or feeling out of place too FOREVER. I would often never make it to the gym, coming up with every excuse in the book. NOW, I don't feel like I don't belong there. I may feel like I don't want to be there some days, but I don't feel "out of place" in the facility. I may not wonder to certain areas or into certain classes, for fear of that ugly feeling creeping over me again, but I at least can get into the building without the urge to high tail it out of there! :) That is progress, right? PLUS, I even ENJOY some work outs nowadays! That is the real measure that things are moving in the right direction.

In related news, today was day three on my new favorite machine at the gym, the AMT by Precor, and I dare say things are going well between us! Thursday was my first day on it, and I blogged about it. Then Friday, I returned with great excitement, to find that I *did* have to cut things short of my goal that day because my knee wasn't very happy toward the end of my work out. Saturday I decided against even saying "hello" and opted to warm up on an inclined treadmill before our strength training work out. And then came today, Monday, when I decided I wanted to visit with my new friend again. Things went well at first and we were having a blast there for a bit, when my knee made its opinion of recent events known right near the end of my 30 minute visit with AMT. I heard him loud and clear and bid AMT adieu. I got a great work out in, however, and am grateful for that. My guess is that between my hiatus and my previous work outs, my knee is just out of sorts.

It is only one knee, however, and I am treating him well in order to hopefully prevent the issues I have had in the past. As a matter of fact, Mr. Fussypants is being iced right now as I type this. :) If I treat him nice, I'm hopeful he will return the favor.

I cannot believe I am about to say this, but....

I had a GREAT workout today that I thoroughly enjoyed! I'm excited about it for a few reasons, but mostly because I am trying VERY hard to start a good, frequently occurring work out routine to kick start my dive into living a better life. If I want to make a go of it, I need to look more like an after picture and less like a before picture, don't you think? I'm in the process of lots of decisions and one of them has led me to the realization that I have to be more serious and dedicated to living the best life I can live. Being more active is one of the important steps in the process.

So back to the gym today: I saw a machine I'd spotted a few times but never hopped on to try. I thought it was a new elliptical and knew the other ones in that area had issues. The TVs weren't always working well or they wouldn't let you program them or whatever. When I climbed on this thing, however, I realized it was not what at all I thought it was.

I cannot tell you how happy I was to be wrong! This machine, called an Adaptive Motion Trainer (called AMT, made by Precor), was exactly the shot in the arm my work out needed. I have been dragging lately, and bored at the gym, but not wanting to start jogging again or doing Zumba because of the knee issues that have plagued me over the past year. I feel so awful when my knees aren't happy and it keeps me out of the gym for stretches. Once you get used to that, it is hard to get back into things. I'm NOW in the process of reintegrating work outs into my routine and this machine has me excited to get back there tomorrow!

During the past two weeks, I have done a few work outs from home, experimenting with other dance work outs (without jumping in them) and with yoga. I am finding that these two are making me quite sore, so something must be working (or broken?)! I was not able to do either for long stretches though, and haven't felt I'm getting the kind of cardio work out I should be getting for good weight loss. I have found that I enjoy yoga more than I expected, however, so I look forward to doing more of it (even though it makes me SOOOO sore)!

The AMT machine, however, is one stop shopping. You start with a stair climbing motion, less fluid than an elliptical, and move into a more fluid "stride" motion that works more muscles and moves a bit slower. You speed this up and are almost in a running motion, depending on how fast you go. The great thing about this, however, is that it feels VERY low impact. I felt better on this machine than I have felt on any elliptical. And because it is less rough on your body, you are able to go for longer periods of time. If I were actually running (or jogging) I couldn't have gone for 40 minutes. Because I was not stressing my knees, it was less taxing but not less strenuous. I was soaked when I got off of that machine and my heart rate was way up high during most of it.

This seems to be made for people, like me, who cannot enjoy the benefits of running and for those of us who may not have access to several machines. It seems to not be as limited as an elliptical or bike or treadmill can be. The AMT keeps you from getting bored because it has a variety of levels at which you can choose to work while on the machine. You can do more stair-climbing motions at various speeds, or longer lunging strides. You can mix it up or just "jog" at a set pace.

I happened to go there after the morning rush, and I am a bit worried about the next few days will bring. Since there are only a few of those machines, I am going to hope that I am lucky every time I go and get to hop right on one without waiting. I WILL be there tomorrow, for certain, to see how it feels the second time around and play with the settings a bit.

I'm very happy to announce that in the few hours since my workout, I have yet to start up with any knee pain. I hope that holds true until morning!

And to think: I had seriously considered wandering into Zumba today to see if I could tolerate the work out! Not that I don't LOVE Zumba, but I was *that* desperate for some zing in my routine! I was willing to chance the knee pain that would very likely have resulted from it. THANK GOODNESS I missed the class and decided to take a chance on something new. For some that is no big deal, but being a creature of habit, I rarely tend to venture out into uncharted territory.

Yeah for being brave! And DOUBLE yeah for having it pay off--in spades!

Yes! It *has* been almost a whole year!

Life has been interesting and strange and fast and wonderful. My girls are seven and three now and one is finishing first grade while the other will be starting a part time program in the fall. My girls are bigger and life is more complicated in some ways. It is mostly good, so I cannot complain.

I am still teaching and still married (yeah me!) but currently NOT shaking my rump at Zumba classes. I had issues off and on with my knees and kept taking breaks before I realized I should just do things that don't hurt me until I feel stronger and can dance WITHOUT pain. It has been a little sad, but I'm going to keep working on finding new ways to keep active and interested in movement.

Most recently, I have been exploring myself and my future and trying to figure out what is next for me. There can be no more children, so I know that in two years I'll have both girls in school full time. Until then, I can figure out what is next for me. Last summer I started to sew and learned that I love it. I will always sew and want to learn more and find time to make more dresses and tops for the girls and things for myself too. I'm excited about the summer for that reason because I will finally have more time to dedicate to those projects I have in mind.

I realized a while back that while I do enjoy teaching, I don't want to do MORE of it. I don't want a full time teaching schedule and I do not want a 9 to 5 teaching gig. I have been there, done that, and it isn't my cup of tea. The world of academia is a great place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there! So what will I "do" with the free time I will have in two years?

I have considered this--ad nauseum--and keep thinking that the answer has to be in front of me. What do I love and what can I do with that? What are my passions? Really my family is my passion. Taking care of them and doing the best I can do for each of them is what I wake up every morning hoping to accomplish. I want my girls to be healthy and loving people who learn and do well in the world. I want my husband to be satisfied and happy in his life and with his choices. I want to do all I can to encourage him to live well and be healthy. I also want to achieve my own goals and to be happy with where and when and what I am in life.

One of my favorite things to do is to read and learn more about how I can make better choices. I read about the food system and about health considerations. I read about studies and food types and learn about how our bodies work. I learn about growing things and eliminating chemicals and such from our homes and bodies. I have so much more to learn and a strong desire to dedicate real time to these ideas. In the past year, my family has gone from eating "whatever" (including an embarrassing amount of fast food and restaurant prepared meals) to eating less processed foods and "clean" farm-bought "kinder" meat choices. We then started to shop organic and before long started visiting the local farmer's markets and buying local too.

One day I heard about a book that led me to some videos online discussing a movie that was supposed to be life changing. I found the movie online and made my husband sit and watch it with me. What I thought was a movie about "healthy food choices" was a movie about meat and protein choices. The title of the film was "Forks over Knives" and our lives have never been the same since that evening. Had I known the content of the film, I honestly don't know that I would have watched it. I also wouldn't have tried to make my husband watch it, for fear he'd scoff at the subject-matter. Much to my surprise, he embraced the information wholeheartedly and vowed to go vegan. *Insert shocked look here*

So that didn't happen exactly, but I am very proud to say we have eliminated most meat from our meals and are eating a largely plant-based diet.We are making very strong efforts to integrate milk free products and options into our meals and have tried many new recipes that I would have never even read before. I feel like a better mom for making this choices and I take every chance I have to spread the knowledge I have acquired to others in my life who haven't converted yet.

The truth is that the standard American Diet is not working for most and the staggering statistics you hear on the news are the proof. The shockingly high rates of heart disease and diabetes and obesity are not a mystery if you look at what is on our food and how we eat. Most of us know this, but don't know the science behind it or the details. Most of us choose to not look into this or to turn a blind eye to the stories we hear. We think "Wow that is horrible" but we don't see ourselves in those stories or in those statistics. Once we do, and once we learn, you cannot unlearn it and life HAS to change. You don't have a choice. If you learn and do not make changes, it is just like agreeing to a death sentence by saying, "Sure! Let me help you!"

Now I get why Susan Powter's always said, "Stop the insanity!" That is precisely how most Americans are living and I have been one of those people for far too many years.

That must be it. I need to do something with the knowledge I am gaining to help other people live better lives. I share all I can with anyone who will listen as it is. There must be people who are mystified at the store like I have been at times. There must be people who struggle with weight loss like I have and don't get the connection yet between our western lifestyles and how we look and feel. There must be people who need a little push and a little information to help them decode the language of products and options that exist. They need definitions and summaries and guidance. I haven't had that thus far, and have muddled around trying to figure it all out bit by bit. I've made some mistakes, but I've learned quite a lot along the way.

On a whim this past Saturday, I Googled "becoming healthy living coach" thinking, "Surely this doesn't exist." I was wrong. They do exist. There are people who want/need help and there are people from all walks of life who have dedicated their professional lives to helping those people. Finding this tidbit out has given me some peace and a goal that I plan to start working on immediately. I have much to learn and more growing to do, but this summer begins my journey toward an actual and exciting place that I never before knew existed.

So...yeah.

Aside from figuring out what I want to do when I grow up, learning to sew, helping with homework, cooking meals and packing lunches, grading papers and teaching classes, taking children here and there, shopping for groceries, volunteering at my daughter's school, trying to get to the gym to exercise, relearning how to eat and treat my body and unlearning life-long bad habits and finding time for some of the most embarrassing line-ups of shows on television that I am addicted to (and some of the best--30 Rock, Modern Family, etc), I have been just hanging out...not really doing much with myself. ;)

And how are you?

Wow. This is still here. Felt compelled to write today. Actually, finally have a tiny bit of free time and found that I wanted to talk about what I am doing now.

Still working. Kids are growing and great. Still married. :) Things are fairly good, overall, I must say!

The new thing for me is that I am becoming a Zumba convert...quickly. I have attended classes, but only once a week at most for weeks--maybe two months now. But the past two weeks I have attended twice a week and this week, three or four times. I am finding that I enjoy this more than I have enjoyed anything in a VERY long time!

I am not coordinated. I do not dance. Once upon a time, I enjoyed dance, but I was never good at it. At all. :) I find that sometimes I am downright rigid and uncoordinated, but somehow I still find pleasure in bumbling around in Zumba classes. I really like the two instructors I have enjoyed taking classes with thus far and really hope that this is "it" for me.

You see I have NEVER enjoyed exercise. At. All. I loathe it really. I make myself do it and I try to get 3 or 4x a week in lately since I started working on my efforts to lose weight, wholeheartedly. It took months to work up the confidence to approach the instructor to see if I might possibly be "okay" trying out a class. He said yes. So I did, the very next day.

To my pleasant surprise there were OLD people there. There were FAT people there. There were people WAY less coordinated. :) Of course there were some thin and athletic people. There were some downright awesome and fluid hip-shakers as well. It was a great mix of people! So I went back.

With school and field trips and nap times, it has been hard to make it more than once, but things have opened up with Elena finishing Kindergarten. I am excited to have more flexibility in my schedule with my own course load, too, so I am taking advantage of it. Come fall things will rev up again, so until then, I am going to make Zumba as often as possible and ride this wave.

I have NEVER enjoyed sweating --ever. Honestly, I still don't like the 'sweating' part but I *do* like feeling like I am accomplishing something and that I am sticking to it.

I hope I can continue. I have every intention to.